DAY 20,…
I want to write about specific situation ,which happened ,were I was not clear with my words I used ,to rite to someone….
I had long day and at late evening I write with this person on face book ,pretty much every day…..
this someone live in other country …..anyway ,to describe how I felt that day (tired and frustrated …) I wrote that I am tired of living ….what I had in my mind that life can be hard …,I was tired… ...and so on…..the same time friend of mine called me on the phone ,she lives in the same building ,she was asking if I can come over for couple minutes … ( she need some help,she did not felt good physically ,had pain and did not know what to do … and I have some medical training -i was a nurse ),so I did….I left the conversation with other person,but I did not explain a things to the person I was writing with……
I come to my apartment after more then an hour and the battery on my computer was off…..I did not wait until battery will be recharge …I just went to bed…..
Until morning I find out that this someone on face book had difficult time with things I wrote …….and find out how this person was worry about me ,even did ask for help ,because of my lack of discipline and responsibility ….and not being clear what i meant and how i describe the state i was…..
In this I realize how words ,how using words create reality …I mean ….the same is with speaking ..if we are not clear what we want to say ….
I realize also how i was using my victim personality ,because i want someone to feel sorry for me ….and with this I do want to take responsibility with self forgiveness writings!!…
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,for not being clear with my words I wrote ,for taking somebody time and effort for granted.
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,excuse myself with ease to not considering somebody time .
3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,back chatting all day about my situation and later writing this with conversation with other person,instead stop this back chat and investigate more in this and write the self forgiving process on these points.
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, exist very much in this victim personality ,were i am looking for attention .
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, to not being in my body awareness ,but participate in mind reality.
6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,go to this judgment personality ,were I feel that everything is against me ,..not investigate this point with writings and taking responsibility
for me.
7.I commit myself to stop and breath at moment I have a back chat ,to stop ,breath and see what is going on and then write the points with self forgiveness and self corrections statements .
8.I commit myself to be more aware of sentence I write and words I speak ,to really slow down and only then write or speak,to stay
with breath.
